“Whenever I'm about to do something, I think, ‘Would an idiot do that?’ And if they would, I do not do that thing.”
- Dwight Schrute/The Office
I'm looking out my office widow this morning and the wind is blowing 30 MPH. Wind is my least favorite weather element. I'm not talking about a breeze. I mean wind. It's annoyed and aggravated me since childhood when it ruined wiffle ball games and tornadoes were the most ominous and terrifying threat in my flatland, midwest childhood. Living the places I have, they've remained a menace most of my adult life
I was in the middle of Hurricane Ivan in central Florida in 2004. It was a Category 4 with 165 MPH winds. That was a great deal of fun…NOT! In Memphis, the residual winds from Hurricane Katrina blew down our beautiful Golden Rain Tree. My grudge remains firm. The windiest place I've ever been apart from that is Iceland. It was almost comical. Just trying to put gas in a car ended up like a scene from a Charlie Chaplin movie. It would literally (and I mean that in the literal sense) knock you down.
Wind can ruin your picnic, sweep you off a mountain top, blow away your hat and your dreams. Unless you're flying a kite or sailing a boat, I see no need for it. Giant windmills now scar the landscape and kill the birds all around the world, all for a tiny return of energy. But, they're well intentioned, and isn't that what really matters?
Wind-blown, wind-swept, wind shear, windbag, break wind - no thank you. I will have to admit that I have been the beneficiary of a couple of wind-aided home runs, but that's all I'm giving the wind credit for.
When I was little and I was talking too much and jabbering on about nothing, my mother, having had enough, would scold me saying, “Stop being so windy.”
I guess that's what I'll do now.